I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
