brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
