Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
