When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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