my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
