I must be too annoying 4 u.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
