never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
