He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
