she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We left the knife in your bed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
