You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
