Your mouth is God's brothel.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
