WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize