we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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