I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
