i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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