I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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