So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize