How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
