no. you can't hotbox the world.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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