is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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