Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
