Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
