I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
