dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
