just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
