paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize