awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My cat gives me a boner
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
