I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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