I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
