you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
