Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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