I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
