Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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