i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is the high leading the old right now
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
