He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
