you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
