just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i dont even know how to be here
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
