Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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