Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
