do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
