Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
