bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
