READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
