i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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