Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
