Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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