it was like eating out sand paper
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
