the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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