Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just invented taco cereal.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
