is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
