It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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