oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
