OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
