Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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