Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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