how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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