She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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