you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
