its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
