dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize