Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
