she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
