if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
P.S. I can't hear my feet
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
