forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
