He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Did I show you my penis last night?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
