we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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