so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
