so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
